I AM SUPERGUEST
I love to party but I’m depressed
since invitations seldom come.
Don’t people know I’m super guest,
and hardly ever, troublesome.
Learned decorum from the start,
my house breaking really shows.
I say excuse me when I fart
and turn my head, to pick my nose.
In groups, I listen so polite
and laugh at jokes I’ve heard before
When parties drag into the night
though I might nap, I never snore.
At meals, I always clean my plate
and use my saucer when I smoke.
I tell the cook, the food was great,
although it caused all guests to choke.
At weddings, I bring down the house,
my mockeries of grooms are great!
In Church, I’m quiet as a mouse
sniping bucks from the offering plate.
At functions where the fancy meet,
I always clap, should someone sing.
I help them out, clap out the beat,
to show the band the way to swing.
If you would plan a grand soiree
with no amusements planned as yet,
I will attend and make the day
one all your guests will not forget.
DON’T SERVE ME GRITS
There are few foods, that I don't like
but there are some that don't like me,
yet grits inspire a hunger strike
and food critics should all agree.
All through the south, this tasteless grain
comes with a fried or scrambled egg.
I don’t want grits, you might complain
but they still come unless you beg.
I don’t know why they turn good corn
into ersatz paperhanger paste
which all discerning guts will scorn,
so grits scoot through, a total waste.
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