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The Hits:
Adaptation ****
reviewed by the Phantom
What a treat to see Meryl Streep again. It's been too long. Nicholas
Cage seems just as lost and one dimensional in dual roles as he was in Leaving
Las Vegas, but the plot of this dark filmland-insider comedy is just
too much. I loved every self-absorbed frame of it.
All About My Mother ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
Somewhat easier to follow but surely
no less bizarre than some other Almodovar films. Full of off-kilter, very human characters, this movie explores
motherhood and responsibility in a new way.
Don’t see it to try to resolve your own issues with your mom. Great acting, vibrant colors, clever twists and turns. A nice way to break up the Hollywood monotony.
American Beauty ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
Deep and vague…my review is in the
style of the movie! This movie is not about a marriage gone bad. Or the
struggles of midlife angst or adolescent rebellion. It’s not a
commentary on modern society or the banality of suburban life. Rather, it
declares itself a study of awakening, expanding, confronting taboos,
facing fears. Few answers are provided -- moralistic and preachy it is not. Flawlessly acted, intensely composed, and uniquely
filmed it is. This movie is not about plot twists or storytelling and can
scarcely be described, reviled, or applauded with words. It either speaks to the heart
or says nothing. Highly recommended.
America’s Sweethearts ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
Now here’s a funny movie! The most generous thing the publicists did
with this one was to withhold some of the truly comic moments from the
trailers and keep Hank Azaria a secret to be savored.
For once, some quality actors were given a light and
easy piece to work with and were directed to turn out a performance
they can be proud to hang their names on. There are enough of the common feel-good elements to leave the viewer with a satisfying
aftertaste, but original enough comedy and characters to engage the
brain in a pleasantly stimulating way. Go see it!
Amores Perros ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
Here’s a weird one. Pulp Fiction sequencing crossed with
Hitchcock-esque scenarios set against a Mexico City backdrop. I think it
was good, but it was too long and it didn’t really come to any
discernable point. Certainly a tough one for animal lovers to watch. I
think one of the main points of the film is to show that people can love
their pets and still go on to lead really freaky lives. It’s in really
colorful Spanish with English subtitles: I learned that pendejo
can mean anything from “stupid” to “moron” to “dickhead”…wow,
what an educational opportunity! Recommended for intellectual types who
can keep up with the highbrow discourse.
Analyze This ***
reviewed by the Phantom
Billy Crystal and
Robert DeNiro try for cheap yucks in this comedy send-up of both psychological counseling and
the Mafia, but if you watch TV, you've already seen the funniest bits, where the mobster
threatens to turn a cow into a rib-eye and DeNiro "hits" the sofa pillow, but in
addition to those scenes, I did chuckle at Billy's version of a New York City
psychologist, and DeNiro seemed to enjoy playing his usual on-screen self, played serious,
a the psychologically conflicted Mafioso, and although the premise is amusing, the movie
staggers along, not quite knowing how to end itself.
The Aviator ***
reviewed by The Phantom
This was the year (2004) of the bio-pics and this movie, about that
weirdo Howard Hughes, was one of the best. I think Leonardo DiCaprio was a
little young to play Howard, even though he did a creditable job and won
an Oscar nomination for his efforts. But Cate Blanchett was marvelous as
Katharine Hepburn, one of Hughes' many love interests. The academy agreed with
me and handed her an Oscar. The movie was one of the
larger-than-life stories told in an old fashioned cinematic way and
stunning in every aspect. If you haven't seen it yet, be sure to
rent it.
Babe ****
reviewed by the Phantom
Babe, a talking pig with feelings, is the centerpiece of a
charming story about a farm animal who saves the day for an Australian
farmer. If you haven't seen it yet, go rent it immediately. For all
audiences.
Bandits ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
This is the story of two escaped
convicts who hatch a plan to steal themselves the good life in Mexico.
They have the smarts and spontaneity to figure out the next step as
their feet are in the air, and the movie keeps us guessing as the
characters themselves seem to be guessing from one moment to the next.
Their scheme evolves into a string of non-violent, intellectual robberies earning themselves unsolicited fame and recognition. The
connections they make along the way add greater meaning to their plight
and decisions, and flavor the story in unexpected ways.
The plot remains tight throughout the telling. The characters are all great and interesting, with special props going out
to Billy Bob Thornton as the neurotic, hypochondriac, brain of
the operation. The greatest buddy stories show us all the sides of the
wayward personalities, including the strengths and vulnerabilities.
Bandits goes there, and well, and, somewhat unintentionally, reinforces
the power of love. Go figure. (12/01)
Barbershop
***
reviewed by The Phantom
By the time I got to this movie, I had seen most of
the funny parts on TV commercials. Unfortunately for us, the advertisers
think we’ll laugh at the same material again and again. So I already
knew that Rosa Parks just sat down, OJ did it, and all that other sort of
funny stuff about Jackson and King. Even so, I did laugh at this movie.
The barbershop is on Chicago’s south side, and the
most interesting action takes place in the shop, all in one frantic day
from start to finish. The barbers include an angry black woman with
attitude up to here and a black-wanna-be white guy just for kicks. But
they just add spice. It’s really about Calvin, the owner and Eddie, the
old stand-up philosopher-barber who carry the show. There’s tension from
the very start, comic one-liners, slapstick, pathos and even a little
romance to round out the fast-paced hour and a half.
A Beautiful Mind
***
reviewed by the Phantom
This
movie starring Russell Crowe is based on the life of John Nash,
Jr., a mathematician who in 1994 won the Nobel Prize for his
work in game theory. He was 66 at the time and for most
of his adult life he suffered from paranoid schizophrenia. That’s
the kind of story that Director, Ron Howard likes to make into a
movie.
The movie generally held my
interest, and I did believe, as I’m sure most of the audience
did too, that Nash’s delusions were actually real. However, I
had some trouble suspending my disbelief in Crowe as a
pointy-headed intellectual who hears and sees some very strange
things. And now I hear he’s being considered for an Oscar. I
guess that says something about the breadth of the competition
this year.
Nash, however, is a real,
living, pointy-headed intellectual, still teaching classes at
Princeton. So, and I’m just guessing here, the story was
probably true and accurate, which makes it even more compelling.
(1/02)
Before
Sunset ****
reviewed by the Phantom
Here's the recap
from rottentomatoes.com: "Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy)
spent a
magical, romantic night together in Vienna, ending with the promise to
meet again in six months ("Before Sunrise"). Nine years later,
Jesse, now a best selling author, is in Paris touting his new book. As he
answers questions and autographs copies of his novel he spots Celine
watching him from the sidelines. His flight home leaves that evening and,
once again, they only have a short time together with a whole lot of
questions to be answered in Richard Linklater's "Before Sunset."
Before Sunset is
part two of what we all hope will eventually be a three-parter. Part one
is Before Sunrise. Rent it if you must but each movie can stand alone. The
film is smart and funny with breath-taking scenery, it's Paris this time.
We can feel the tension in the air as these two fine actors go through
their paces in this heart-achingly beautiful romance. Bravo!
Being
John Malkovich
***
reviewed by Karen Dale
It’s
different and strange and interesting in a kind of an existential way.
One might assume it aims to explore the possibility of
being someone else, but it really doesn’t delve to the depths possible.
The film has options and avenues for examining profound questions of human
existence, but it doesn’t go there. Being
John Malkovich remains primarily plot-driven and takes viewers into the
enterprises and encounters of some pretty freaky people.
The acting is simply great. John Cusack delivers another solidly
flawed and confused nice-guy performance. There
are lots of laughs and new material--we certainly haven’t seen this one
before. Worthwhile.
Best in Show ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
CLEVERMAG EDITOR RAVES, "I NEVER STOPPED LAUGHING!".
Another gem from the mastermind behind This is Spinal Tap, this movie follows the patented
mockumentary style that continues to prove hilarious. I personally think that the integrity of the dog show was upheld
and honored; it merely provided a colorful backdrop to the film's bizarre characters, who manage to be quirky
in a very ordinary yet entirely ridiculous way. Parker Posey regains her stronghold as
indie-poster girl. If you need a good laugh, you really shouldn’t miss this
one.
Blood Diamond ****
reviewed by the Phantom
DeCaprio was terrific in this very bloody, violent and unrelenting
film about Sierra Leone's diamond mines. The film is based on the horrible
facts of this awful practice. The blood diamond problem is robbing a
country of its people, its culture, its very life. Let's hope this film
helps to bring reform. Of course, what would help tremendously is for
western woman to start coveting something else besides diamonds. If it
weren't for our insatiable thirst for big, expensive rocks, millions of
people wouldn't be suffering and dying violent deaths. Women who calculate
the value of their marriage by the number of karats on their finger are
too shallow for words.
The Bourne Identity ***
reviewed by The Phantom
The studio trotted out this old Ludlum thriller and
made a pretty good movie out of it. The spy tricks needed some updating,
which they rewrote, but basically they did a fine job of it. We all love
stories about innocent bystanders caught in a horrible situation not of
their own making. That’s Bourne, the title character. He’s suffering
from amnesia, and as the story unfolds and he becomes more aware of who he
is, or once was, he doesn’t like that person very well. That’s an
interesting touch, since he was a very bad guy. Well, not really, because
as we all know, spies (at least American spies) have to do bad things for
the right reasons. So the underlying question – do the ends justify the
means? – is at play here. Bourne says no, with thrilling results.
Bowling
for Columbine ****
reviewed by the Phantom
Michael Moore just gets better and better as he tries to answer that
gnawing question: Why are Americans so violent? The documentary format
reaches a new level with Michael behind the camera and in front of it as
well. His questions are deceptively simple and the reactions to them are
so powerful. When he takes on the gun lobby's Charlton Heston, Moses
doesn't know what hit him.
Boys Don't
Cry ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
A sad story about a boy born into a girl's body. A realistic study in
ignorance and intolerance. Great acting--good portrayal of characters, but
certainly not an "issue" movie. Moral of the story: if you're born
transgender, get the HELL out of Nebraska! Worthwhile, but not the feel-good
movie of the year.
Brave One ***
reviewed by the Phantom
This is another one of those Jody Foster revenge films. Revenge is an
interesting concept, it feels good to revenge the wrong doings of the
world, especially when it's something personal. When the State murders
somebody, we call that ritual "capital punishment", but there's something
sort of sterile and unsatisfying about the whole deal. Maybe that's why we
like revenge films. We cheer when the film's hero does something, usually
against the law, to rectify some major wrong-doing. We know we are not
supposed to feel this way, but we do. Jody has done it again, a very
watchable, suspenseful and entertaining film. Make Netflix send you a copy
right after the holidays.
Bridget
Jones’s Diary
***
reviewed by Karen Dale
Renee Zelwiger’s not British, is she? Well, if she’s not, she sure did a good enough English accent to fool
this Yank. I might have bought into a phony accent, but I did not, by any means, buy into the premise of
this movie. I actually found the movie to be quite pointless. No, that’s not true:
I actually found Bridget Jones’s life to be pointless. This woman is the most bumbling, brainless, and self-defeating
nitwit in all of Great Britain. And they try to convince us that she’s charming enough in her own way to get the hunky guys, even though she’s really not
that cute, clever, or otherwise attractive. It was actually painful to watch her humiliate herself over and over and never appear to learn anything from her
idiocy. I admit the primary reason for my prejudiced attitude toward the movie is that I read and enjoyed
the book. It wasn’t great literature, but the humor went beyond the slapstick and Bridget actually
evidenced a smattering of intelligence. The movie is definitely entertaining but, unfortunately, all of the
truly clever bits from the book were edited out. It’s worth seeing for the…what, honestly? Well, for the
Hugh Grant-ness of it, I guess.
Brokeback Mountain
****
Reviewed by the Phantom
Lots of sex, both hetero and gay. Lush scenery, great acting. Bottom line,
a love story. Everybody knows that this is the “gay cowboy movie” but
most people who have seen it understand that it’s much more than that.
It could be any couple in a relationship that cannot work out for social
reasons. Romeo and Juliet were the first doomed couple with a social
problem and these two tortured cowboys won’t be the last. The viewers
know from the first encounter that this movie will not have a happy
ending, but we’re all still crying when the lights come up.
But I’m a Cheerleader ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
If there is such thing as a clichéd teenage lesbian coming-out story, then this film has all the elements.
However, it is packaged in a pseudo-surreal, darkly humorous, dichotomously contrived bundle of
hetero-bashing fun. If you watch "Third Watch" and think Jimmy’s cute, you’ve gotta check this movie out,
just for him. Oh, and to see Rupaul as a repressed homosexual man is priceless. If these things don’t
grab you, catch it on video or leave it to those who can appreciate its finer points.
Casino Royale ***
reviewed by the Phantom
Finally! A James Bond movie that I could actually watch and enjoy. Now
that Daniel Craig has been selected as the latest Bond, things have
changed. No longer do we have to watch gimmicks and senseless male
slavering over beautiful women, no longer do we have to endure the sexist
remarks and the tedious innuendo that prevailed in the previous films that
had totally worn out their welcome. Casino Royale went back to Ian
Flemming's novels for its plot in a tightly wound, suspenseful thriller
that is worthy of its pedigree. It's about time.
Cast Away ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
Just realizing that the title is two words rather than one brought a whole new level of meaning to
this movie. It’s not an incredibly deep work, but the situation presented is profound in it’s delivery of a
simple message: appreciate what you’ve got. It’s a reminder movie, encouraging us to live each moment and remember that anything is possible. Good and bad are
really irrelevant; what matters is what is. Cast Away’s message has stayed with
me and is the mark of something worthwhile, something that leaves us with a bit a
wisdom to carry into our lives and to bestow upon us a richness greater than money, religion, or pride.
Charlie and
the Chocolate Factory ***
Running time: 1 hr, 46 min.
Feels like: 2 hrs (you get your money’s worth) (K), 3 hrs (P)
P—A good story about a family staying together.
Even in the worst circumstances, there is still love. This family
maintains such a good sense of humor, even about eating cabbage every day.
The multi-generational theme is very touching.
K—Not as creepy as I remember the version from the 70’s to be (but I
was just a tyke then). It’s “really weird” in a really good way.
Johnny Depp is fantastic. I saw it twice and I could see it again tomorrow
and still love it as much.
Chicago
****
reviewed by the Phantom
Musicals just don't get any better (well, I said that about The
Producers, but...). Rob Marshall figured out how to tell this story
even better than the stage version. And the cast! Standing O's all around
for Renée, Catherine, Richard, AND Queen L. I simply loved it.
Chicken
Run
***
reviewed by Karen Dale
Thank god for
clay-mation! I am a much bigger believer
in chicken freedom-fighters than I am in mid-ocean mega-storms after my
movie-going adventures this month. The story of Ginger the chicken and her
quest to free her fellow chicken-farm inmates in order to live together as
self-actualized beings was at once compelling, thematic, and very, very
human. Ginger is on a tireless struggle to find a successful means of saving
not just herself, but all the chickens from the Tweedy’s greedy scheme to
turn them into pot-pies.
The clay actors create much more realistic and
evocative characters than do most of their flesh-and-blood colleagues of
current fame. This is really not a film for kids, as the subtle British wit
and plot-driven story will most likely go right over their little heads,
leaving them a bit bored and restless. There’s no need for the grownups to
feel silly catching this flick on date night.
Chocolat
***
reviewed by Karen Dale
This film is a lighthearted and lightweight look at the
subject of temptation and judgment .It portrays the plight of the outcasts and their struggle to be accepted as they
are. It discovers that there is no gain to be found in fighting one’s purpose and path in
life. The threat of God’s wrath may be used to guide and control others, but eventually one’s true nature
will emerge and revolt, and, according to Chocolat, everything will be fine. The easy answers and trite
conclusions make this movie somewhat less compelling, thematically. The ill-conceived casting, questionable
accents, and complete lack of chemistry between the love interests make Chocolat less interesting, period.
Cider
House Rules
***
reviewed by Karen Dale
A condensed version of the great book by
John Irving. It was definitely
a plus that he was able to write the screenplay.
The casting was excellent¾the
characters were brought perfectly to life.
Overall, well-done and enjoyable, with lots of heart.
A Civil Action
****
reviewed by the Phantom
I can't help it, I do like John Travolta, and he really shines in this
courtroom drama about a personal injury, bottom-feeding lawyer with a
heart. It's not a sentimental tale, but it leans that way, as the
true story of an environmental disaster softens the cold hearts of the
lawyers who encounter the residents of a small New York town with too many
deaths. An impressive cast supports Travolta in bringing this story
to life, and the ending surprised me.
The Claim ***
reviewed by the Phantom
This film was released in 2000 but never made the
rounds of first-run theaters until now. It wasn’t given much publicity
so its success or lack of it relies on word-of-mouth. It’s an
ambitious film, both in plot and set design. It takes place in the
Sierra Nevada during the Gold Rush era, and the cast is made up of
actors whose names are mostly unfamiliar to us. The story is based on
Thomas Hardy’s The Mayor of Casterbridge, which is a morality
play about a man with a past, the mayor of Kingdom Come, who
attempts to redeem himself while trying to create a town his way.
The gold rush days were about greed, pure and
simple, and lawlessness and people living on the edge. The film is
coarse and stark, taking place in the dead of winter with snow covering
everything. The viewer sees and almost feels the cruel world of Kingdom
Come, the upstart mining town filled with miners with little else to do
put spend their hard-earned gold dust on binge drinking and prostitutes.
It has the look and feel of authenticity about it.
I was completely taken in by both the story and the
sense of being there. It felt real to me. The story is told in an
unexpected manner so I had no idea what was going to happen next, which
was probably exactly the way the miners lived during that time. And some
very strange things happened. It’s actually two stories in one. As the
town’s mayor grapples with his personal problem, a larger, more
important event is taking place – the railroad is making its way east
over the mountains. The railroad coming through means the difference
between life and death for a mining town. The mayor wants the railroad
and he wants redemption for his past sins. He means to have things his
way, at all costs, and the audience watches in wonder as this rather
surprising and disappointing story unfolds. I enjoyed this film
immensely and was totally caught up in the magnificence of the scenery
and the coarseness of the time. (6/2001)
Cold
Mountain
***
reviewed by the Phantom
I loved this book by
Charles Frazier, but the movie just didn't reach the heights that it
should have. I think that perhaps the director, Anthony Minghella, didn't
quite get it. He also wrote the screen play but I'm thinking that he
should have spent a little time and maybe money to get Frazier to help him
understand the plot at its more subtle levels. Instead he added warfare
scenes that we could have done without, and missed the point about the
journey. The actors did a credible job of bringing the characters to life
and I thought Renee Zellweger was outstanding -- but something was missing
from this Civil War love story.
Constant
Gardener ****
reviewed by The Phantom
I finished reading the book one day and saw the movie the next day (with
Karen). I was afraid that the movie would be like The English Patient (impossible
to figure out unless you had read the book several times). But Karen
assured me that it was easy enough to follow. I had been somewhat afraid
that the screen play wouldn't do the book justice OR be able to translate
Le Carre's very interior story about corruption, greed and lost love into
something visual. But lo and behold, it's a beautifully distraught film
that captures the mood and the messages quite accurately. The acting is
superb and Africa, in all its misery comes alive. Great camera work. We
need more films like this one.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden
Dragon ***
reviewed by Karen Dale
This movie is beautifully filmed and the acting is fantastic. The martial arts sequences are
truly fabulous, but I have to take issue with all of the flying. I’ve been under the impression that the
laws of gravity apply in China as they do in the U.S.A., but perhaps I’ve been mistaken. There are good
things to say about this film, including the heroine's journey
(refreshing!), but the storyline does not flow evenly and the conclusions are not in keeping
with the themes presented. It seems that good prevails, but to what end? The filmmaker could have
used this movie to make a statement, but unfortunately lacked the desire, vision or skill to bring it to
fruition.
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The Duds:
The Affair
of the Necklace
**
reviewed by the Phantom
In
late 18th century France, ex-aristocrat Jeanne de la
Motte-Valois leaves her adoptive home to seek out her royal
heritage which was taken from her because of her father’s
politics. She decides to steal a spectacular diamond necklace to
use in a very complex scam that she thinks will restore her
family’s name and return to her family’s property, which she
believes rightfully belongs to her. The scam, which takes on
almost humorous overtones, eventually leads to the downfall of
Marie Antoinette and the French monarchy. Hilary Swank is
Jeanne, who I guess actually did exist. It’s hard to feel much
sympathy for her though because her tactics were truly
underhanded, and it seems as though her timing was awfully poor.
She really didn’t mean to bring down the French aristocracy,
she only wanted to be a part of it.
Overall,
it’s long and rather tedious at times, but the scenery and
costumes are spectacular. (1/02)
Ali *
reviewed by Karen Dale
What in the world was the point of that? Was that a boxing
ring or a BOR-ing?
The
Aristocrats *
Running time: 1 hr, 26 min. Feels
like: 2 hrs (K), nap time (P)
P—This review begins with a groan. Boring. Not much more to say. Oh
yeah, disgusting.
K—A friend of mine described this movie as “anthropologically
interesting”, which I thought was very fitting. You’d think it was
going to have all the comedians who were billed telling their version of
the joke. Not so. There’s a
LOT
of talk about the joke, but
actually relatively few full tellings of it. The very first joke, told by
George Carlin, was the funniest to me. It sort of went downhill from
there, but there were some good moments in there. I think it’s a good
bit of knowledge to add to a well-rounded cultural education.
Arlington Road **
reviewed by the Phantom
This slow-starting
intellectual thriller, starring an over-acting Jeff Bridges, would like to convince us
once and for all that there is a vast conspiracy of terrorist groups out there who are so
smart they have fooled the FBI into thinking that every act of terrorism is conducted by
an individual acting alone, and who are capable of blowing up even the FBI building and
making it seem like one person did it.
The film starts out sanely enough, asking some very good questions about federal
investigative procedures and what constitutes legitimate suspicion. But then, in order to
make the story move forward, the writers resort to a tactic that is beginning to annoy me.
It's the one where the protagonist is suspicious about something but can't convince
anybody else to believe him. This is a device that Alfred Hitchcock used many times in the
1950s, and it worked then, but now forty years later, the world has turned a few more
times and we've become a little more savvy. Actually, The X-files Agents Mulder and
Scully are still using this device but they have taken it to a more sophisticated level
than Arlington Road did, which is just to have Bridges running around yelling at
people in hopes that they'll believe his wild suspicions. Images of Bruce Willis popped
into my head at one point, but the Jeff Bridges character didn't have any sense of humor
whatsoever.
The film finally resorts to those formulaic automobile chase scenes we've become so
accustomed to and then finishes things off with a rather surprising ending: 1) which does
not answer any of the interesting questions posed at the beginning of the film; and 2)
which is so totally unbelievable that it left me feeling cheated after spending two hours
watching Bridges go through so much emotional turmoil. However, the FBI comes out looking
even lamer than ever. If this keeps up, I may even start feeling sorry for those poor
slobs.
The Avengers
*
reviewed by Roger King
This jumbled juxtaposition of stupefying special effects, droning dialogue, and
plodding plot line leaves the viewer with ample time for random musings such as: (1) maybe
this is an avant-garde technique of not having an actual script and just ad-libbing
the roles; (2) perhaps they forgot to do any editing and just spliced all the takes
together; (3) the original Steed's appearance as an invisible man was a wise choice on his
part; (4) if Uma Thurman's feet were just a smidgen longer she could bend over at the
waist and form a perfect equilateral triangle, (5) the old James Bond would happily shred
Sean Connery's acting card for this; and lastly, for a movie about weather, spending 91
minutes watching the weather channel would be vastly more entertaining.
Babe, Pig in the
City **
reviewed by the Phantom
Babe must once again save
the day for the farmer by going to the big city to win yet another competition, but Babe,
ever the soft-hearted one, cannot stick to the task at hand, but rather sticks his little
piggy nose into the business of at least one hundred hungry cats and dogs, who are thrown
out of their boarding hotel and onto the mean streets of some big city that looks like a
cross between New York and Disneyland, which is inhabited by an evil underclass of wicked
and nasty animals who try to harm the hungry ones, but somehow Babe saves the day in piggy
fashion, once again reminding us that good manners, a pig heart and pork rind always come
through in the end.
Beloved ...maybe I just didn't get it *
reviewed by the Phantom
A Negro slave-woman flees to Ohio to escape the horrors of slavery but disastrous
events of the time, including infanticide and lynching, continue to haunt her, literally,
throughout this long, disjointed, cinemagraphic nightmare. Toni Morrison's novel may have
worked as a book but telling it as a movie left out the descriptive narrative that leads
the reader through the more bizarre aspects of the story. Sorry Oprah, I still love
you.)
Blair Witch Project
(1999) *
reviewed by the Phantom
Bring your air-sick bag and take plenty of drugs, like double
up on your blood pressure medicine and gulp a couple valium before this
one. Too scary even for the Phantom.
Bless the Child
(no stars)
reviewed by The Phantom
About seven of us watched this dreadful
film yesterday in a cavern-like, otherwise, empty theater. Good thing it was
a matinee. I wouldn't have wanted to pay full price for this little stinker.
Kim Basinger and Jimmie Smitts starred in it, but even those two couldn't
save this little angel-in-danger wannabe thriller.
Kim's the single parent of a
precociously weird little six year old girl, who apparently was sent from
God to do battle with Satan, who not only continues to be the Prince of
Darkness, but this time out is also a serial killer of little kids. Satan is
now disguised as a guru-motivational speaker, who has a cult following of
worshipers, willing do his bidding -- including very evil things, of course.
The Prince-Guru has latched onto the little girl and is eventually going to
kill the cute little tyke unless she gives up her faith and turns to him.
I guess the screen writer earnestly
thought we'd be impressed with this new version of Satan, who still wears
black and has evil eyes, but is enormously successful and even drives around
in a stretch limo. Kim and the little girl were in peril the whole time, of
course, and Kim went through all the increasingly stressful plot points,
culminating in the eventual hair-curling ending. (If you actually see this
film, be sure to notice that Kim's normally long straight hair curls during
the climax!)
Although Kim really tried to make us
believe this was a serious movie, Jimmie Smitts had a very difficult time
with it. He was cast as an FBI man working with the NYPD. He's no Bobby
Simone this time out, even though he's still wearing his shoulder holster
and flashing his cop badge. At one point in the film, a camera close-up
shows him pondering the case, and as I watched him I couldn't help wondering
what he was really thinking: "I gave up NYPD for this?"
Please: there must be something better
for Jimmie out there. HELP
Bounce
**
reviewed by Karen Dale
In two words: Disappointingly formulaic.
In four words: Great cast, boring story.
In all the rest of my words: This movie is solely a solid production of the
same-old, tried and true, been there-done that story. The filmmakers
probably just wanted to prove that they could do the ‘boy meets girl,
etc., etc.’ thing as well as it could possibly be done. There. You did it.
Can we just DROP IT now?!
The most disappointing thing for me was that they
didn’t change one thing from what we expected after the first five
minutes. I thought "well, it’s obvious where this one’s going.
Maybe they’ll throw in some new twists and turns since we clearly already
think we know how it’s gonna turn out." Nope. They just followed that
same road to the black hole of creativity and called it a day. Of course Ben
Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow are fine actors and lovely to look at. Even the
child actors were totally tolerable, which means a lot coming from me.
This
movie did help me refine my theory on children's place in the movies: I’ve
decided they can be perfectly adequate in supporting roles, but they should
just never be asked to carry the story. Clearly, I was far more entertained
by my own bemused ponderings than by the uninspiring eye candy on the
screen. Catch it on TNT in two years…the commercial interruptions won’t
make a difference.
Bulworth
**
reviewed by Tom Beall
Now here is an interesting twist on the
usual "politician run's again" story. The beginning is slow, so
stick with it. After setting up his own murder, and self-deprived of sleep
as a consequence, Senator Bulworth realizes he no longer needs to cover up
his politicians' lies and larceny to support bad legislation for bad people.
As a result, he comes clean in his speeches as he runs for re-election.
Telling the truth can be upsetting so he angers LOT'S of people. He gets
involved with criminals of all walks of life, spends an entire night in a
blacks-only night club, then does a pretty impressive ad-lib "rap"
speech at a major rally, with an ENORMOUS number of swear words. It's fun,
with a twist at the end. (10/99)
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin **
reviewed by the Phantom
I didn't think it was a great movie but I
liked it well enough. I sat through it without getting bored and
only looking at my watch one time. The film was shot on the Greek
island of Cephallonia, which added to its beauty and authenticity.
The story is taken from the novel, Corelli’s
Mandolin, by Louis De Bernières, which has been described as
a tragicomedy. The time period is World War II, and at the
beginning of the story the island is occupied by Italian
soldiers. Captain Corelli, played by Nicolas Cage, is almost
believable. Everybody speaks English – the Greeks, the Italians
and eventually the Nazi Germans – everybody just sort of
awkwardly accents their English so we can tell one culture from
another.
Penelope Cruz plays Pelagia, the Greek woman
who falls in love with Corelli because of his mandolin and his
charming Italian personality. Well, actually, make that American
super-star Nicolas Cage trying to be an Italian musician, making
love to Penelope Cruz, a Mexican-American superstar, who is trying
to act like a Greek woman.
The first half of the story moves a
little too slowly as the love story develops, while the Italians’
military occupation and position in the war changes. The German invasion
and the war part of the story is brutal and warlike, but too much
story is crammed together. Everything happens too quickly, plot
points fall like bowling pins, which is especially apparent after
the slow build-up during the first half.
It’s a wanna-be box office hit in search of
its audience. The art house crowd will probably avoid it because
it should have actors speaking in the native language with subtitles, which would have given it more
authenticity. The action seekers will have snuck into another
theater and be watching something else by the time the war starts.
And those who thought it might be a comedy are also disappointed.
But if you don’t see it in the theater, rent it. It’s really
not that bad. (8/31/01)
The
Contender: NO STARS!
reviewed by Karen Dale
A star is too bright and beautiful an object to shed any of its light on this dismal display of a movie.
Here is a sampling of the notes I wrote during the movie so as not to
forget the roots of my scorn…"unimaginative, one-dimensional, too many eating noises--aaah! want to run away!, politicians too casual, unending swearing
to fill void left by lack of cleverness, oh pa-LEEZE!, misogynist, stupid…". To expound on the comment about
eating noises, two of the main characters ate more or less continuously throughout the movie, making the
most disgusting smacking, slurping, and swallowing sounds. Obviously, the filmmakers were going for some
kind of metaphorical something with that, but the absolute GROSSNESS of it all was not nearly worth it,
as they failed to make their point due to the endless list of flaws plaguing this mess. DON’T GO THERE!
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