Clever Magazine, Vol. IV, #11 " Quizzes " (www.clevermag.com)

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Time for a Quiz or two...
(more anonymous email! of course)

The Personality Quiz, The Political Quiz, The Pop-Culture Quiz, Smarty Facts

The Personality Quiz (this one is easy, quick and fun)

Here's something fun to do, but you must follow the directions closely and not cheat, okay? Get a pencil and some paper and write down the answers to the questions as you go along. Do not look ahead.

Question #1: Arrange the following 5 animals according to your preference. Write their names on your sheet of paper, first to last.

Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Monkey

Question #2: Write down one word to describe each of the following:

Dog =
Cat =
Rat =
Coffee =
Ocean =

Question #3: Think of somebody (who also knows you) that you can relate to the following colors. Please don't repeat your answer twice. Name only one person for each color.

Yellow =
Orange =
Red =
White =
Green =

Are you done? Double check and make sure your answers are what you
truly feel...

Here are the interpretations of your answers:

Answer #1 defines your priorities in life:
Cow means career
Tiger means pride
Sheep means love
Horse means family
Monkey means money

Answer #2 relates to personalities:
Your description of Dog implies your own personality
Your description of Cat implies your partner's personality
Your description of Rat implies your enemy's personality
Your description of Coffee is how you interpret sex
Your description of Ocean implies your own life

Answer #3 interprets your relationships
Yellow - somebody who will never forget you
Orange - someone whom you can consider as your real friend
Red - someone you really love
White - your soul mate
Green - a person whom you will always remember for the rest of your life.

A Political quiz

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone - particularly fanatics intent on killing us - airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips. Perhaps the FBI should take the following test:

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Norwegians from Ballard; (b) Elvis; (c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy; (b) Crazed feminists; (c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2;" (b) The Tooth Fairy; (c) Butch and Sundance who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train mission, or, (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers; (b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems; (c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless;" or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd. (b) The Supreme Court of Florida trying to outdo their attempted hijacking of the 2000 Presidential election; (c) Mr. Bean, (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

Here's a little pop-culture history quiz. How many can you remember? The answers are at the end (no peeking!) (Tom only missed two. He's really old!)

1. "Kookie; Kookie! Lend me your ________________."
2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in and ________________."
3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the
grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that masked man?" Invariably,
someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind." What did he
leave behind?________________.
4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll. One of the most
memorable folk songs included these lyrics: "When the rooster crows at the
break of dawn, look out your window and I'll be gone. You're the reason
I'm traveling on, _______________________."
5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago
in 1968 achieved cult status, and were known as the ________________.
6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched
them on the ________________________show.
7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning our _____________.
8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read about the thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane. What was the name of Dick and Jane's dog?______
9. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk (what there was of it) in the front, was called the VW. What other name(s) did it go by? _______________ ________________
10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the ___________and the ____________.
11. In the seventies, we called the drop-out nonconformists "hippies." But
in the early sixties, they were known as ________________.
12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always seemed to get the
short end of the stick in the television program, "The Life of Riley." At the end of each show, poor Chester would turn to the camera and exclaim,
"What a ________."
13. "Get your kicks, ________________."
14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed ________________."
15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special
way:________________.
16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."
17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller - the one that contained all the
"dirty" dialogue - was called _________.
18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around with a calculator
strapped to their belts. But back in the sixties, members of the math club
used a _________.
19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about "the day the music
died." This was a reference and tribute to _______________.
20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver who was
miraculously lifted through thin air and into the front seat of a convertible. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz ________________."
21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced"
under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called
the________________.
22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best..._____________."
23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style of Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model ________________.
24. Sachmo was America's "ambassador of goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ________________.
25. On Jackie Gleason's variety show in the sixties, one of the most
popular segments was "Joe, the Bartender." Joe's regular visitor at the
bar was that slightly off- center, but lovable character, _______________.
(The character's name, not the actor's.)
26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it; it was called ____________.
27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?____________.
28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called the________________.
29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway
musical ______________.
30. This is a two-parter: Red Skelton's hobo character (not the hayseed, the hobo) was ________________. Red ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and ________________.

The Answers:
1. "Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb."
2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in; drop out." Many people who proclaimed that 30 years ago today are Wall Street bond traders and corporate lawyers.
3. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of you said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the screen, Clayton Moore would not
be seen as the Lone Ranger without his mask!
4. "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and
I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on; Don't think twice, it's all right."
5. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in
Chicago in 1968 was known as the Chicago seven. As Paul Harvey says, "They would like me to mention their names."
6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched
them on the Ed Sullivan Show.
7. Some who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning their draft cards.
If you said "bras," you've got the right spirit, but nobody ever burned a
bra while I was watching. The "bra burning" days came as a by-product of
women's liberation movement which had nothing directly to do with the
Vietnam war.
8. Dick and Jane's dog was Spot. "See Spot run." Whatever happened to
them? Rumor has it they have been replaced in some school systems by
"Heather Has Two Mommies."
9. It was the VW Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.
10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the Sharks and the Jets. West Side Story.
11. In the early sixties, the drop-out, non-conformists were known as
beatniks. Maynard G. Krebs was the classic beatnik, except that he had no
rhythm, man; a beard, but no beat.
12. At the end of "The Life of Riley," Chester would turn to the camera
and exclaim, "What a revolting development this is."
13. "Get your kicks, on Route 66."
14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent."
15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way:
shaken, not stirred.
16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."
17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of Cancer. Today,
it would get a PG-13 rating.
18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a slide rule.
19. "The day the music died" was a reference and tribute to Buddy Holly.
20. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz put you in the driver's seat."
21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced"
under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.
22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best....chooo-c'late." In the
television commercial, "chocolate" was sung by a puppet - a dog. (Remember his mouth flopping open and shut?)
23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style gave way to the "trim"
look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.
24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name
was Louis Armstrong.
25. Joe's regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenhiem.
26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was calledSputnik.
27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex watch.
28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist was called the hula-hoop.
29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway
musical "Hair."
30. Red Skelton's hobo character was Freddie the Freeloader. (Clem
Kaddiddlehopper was the "hay seed.") Red ended his television show by
saying, "Good night, and may God bless."

Here's something for the smarty-pants-types. Just when you thought you knew everything...

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts.