Clever Magazine, Summer '10 " Top Ten Signs " (www.clevermag.com)

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Top Ten Signs your cat is...

by Lydia Suarez

Lydia’s work has recently appeared in Six Sentences Volume 3 and The Smoking Poet. A collection of stories was selected as a finalist in Grace Notes' Discovering the Undiscovered Competition. She lives with her family, an indulged pug and a sneaky tabby.

Top Ten Signs Your Cat Is Using Drugs

10. Sudden drop in grades.
9. Lounges around all day.
8. Paranoid behavior around socks.
7. Bottle of eye drops in cat tree.
6. Synthetic smell of febreeze in basement.
5. Says he is holding the catnip for a friend
4. Dreadlocks fur.
3. Electric bill triples.
2. Dog has cache of presents.
1. Unusual cravings for sardines.

Top Ten Signs Your Cat is a Spy

10. Seat pushed all the way up in spare car.
9. Bag with multiple passports in litter box.
8. Learn from neighbor that cat speaks French.
7. Invisible ink paw prints.
6. Short wave radio under sofa pillow.
5. Paste-on whiskers in bathroom drawer.
4. Discovered dog tied up in chair under interrogation lamp.
3. Prepaid phones stowed under kitty toys.
2. Cat answers to other names.
1. Middle of the night call from Mr. Friskies.