Clever Magazine, Vol IV, #9 " Group Therapy " (www.clevermag.com)

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Therapy Sessions

more email humor

It's All in your head!

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people. Sincerely, Tide User

Group Therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go.

Nine Things to Remember for good mental and physical health:

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
3. Never lick a steak knife.
4. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
6. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.
9. Your friends love you anyway.