Every year I make a list of New Year’s Resolutions, believing somehow that the act of thinking them up and actually writing them down somewhere will help me remember to make those needed improvements and adjustments to my life. And then at the end of the year I go back and see how well I did. Sometimes I even give myself a grade. That’s always sort of fun because usually I have completely forgotten what I wrote down on the previous resolution-writing day.

So here we are again, time to dream up a new list. There are the usual things we all should do list, like for example, 1) lose a few pounds (or more), 2) be a better friend, parent, and spouse, and 3) the ever-popular make better use of our free time.

Can’t we do a little better than this list? Take losing weight for example, why is it so hard to take it off? There are a number of good reasons, of course, like “Special occasion eating” and “Eating out at expensive restaurants” and “But we’ll just have to throw it out if we don’t finish it up” types of reasons. So to get more specific, we could vow not to eat out so much, especially at those horribly expensive restaurants. After all, I’m really getting sick and tired of those snooty waiters, as well as those fun-loving student wait persons forever wanting to know if everything is okay. (Get Lost!) But don’t get me started…

Resolution #1: So we vow to limit the times we eat out and where we eat out and we could also, while we’re at it, vow not to even glance at the dessert menu, and forget about taking home the doggy bag. (But that doesn’t mean that you must clean up your plate since you’re not taking anything home for later, right?)

Resolution #2: And we could vow to cut down on the fats, sugars and all the rest of the food no-no’s now that the Christmas frolics into the refrigerator are OVER.

That leads us to the second resolution area – the one about being a better friend, et cetera. If you think for a minute or two why it is that you feel so guilty about pals and relatives and so forth, you might come up with some interesting resolution ideas. Sometimes those folks get a little tiresome, right? They are always talking about themselves – exclusively. They never ask us about us – that’s because we’re such good listeners, right? And we’re never totally opinionated about touchy subjects, right?

So, let me politely throw this out: if you are the kind of person who falls into the category of always having something to talk about – mainly yourself and how interesting you are – and you always have an opinion about everything, even if you don’t know a damned thing about it - and you're always running late and keeping your friends waiting - a great new year’s resolution should be taking form in your brain at this very minute.

Resolution #3: Don’t be a conversation hog. Try harder to listen, and to ask questions and to wait for others to answer them. Try to listen to the other side of the story, even if you think you know better than others about the problem, the game, the event, the vacation spot, the restaurant, the vintage, the movie or the book (for God’s sake, please do this once in a while). Try this just one time: when you phone somebody, ask her or him a question, prod that person for an answer and then just listen…

Resolution #4: Along the more general theme of being a better friend, try remembering special occasions on time. Send real birthday cards for a change. (Aren’t we all getting just a little tired of e-greetings? Yes!) Try thinking up presents for friends and relatives that will truly surprise them. They don’t have to be expensive, you know, just thoughtful.

That brings us to that “spending our free time more wisely” category. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at a get together, or talking on the phone, or out someplace where I’m totally stuck and dreadfully bored, trying to make the best of a bad situation. While stuck I’m simply dreaming of being home, tending to my spice racks, doing my income taxes, cleaning the litter box – any mindless chore would be a blessing if I could just leave.

We must figure a way to get out of these tedious predicaments. Learn how to say no to those events, parties, meetings, get-togethers, whatever they are, whenever possible. After all, the clock is ticking, and as “they’ve” begun saying rather often these days: life is not a dress rehearsal.

Resolution #5: Don’t fill up your free-time calendar with junk. That way you can make more time for the people you really want to spend time with. Try to be available for your friends, within reason. For your truly close friends, it probably irritates them to say, well, I could see you between 11:45 and 12:15 a week from Thursday, if you meet me outside the deli, raining or not.

I’m still working on my list. How’s yours coming along?

Happy New Year from the Phantom!

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