Find out your fortune using Feng Shui! 

(We're all familiar with Feng Shui by now, right? It's the Chinese fate-inspired 
decorating manual. I decided that this horoscope needed some editing to make 
it more interesting. You'll find my edits in red. The Phantom)

Number a piece of paper from 1 thru 9 and answer the following questions:

1. Which is your favorite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, Black or White?
5. The name of a person who is the same sex as you?
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one) 

Answers:

1. If you choose:
Red - You have a quick temper, but keep reading anyhow.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive, and you believe everything Bush says.
Green - You are destined to drive a hybrid.
Blue - You are very needy and desperate most of the time.
Yellow - You are timid, of course.

2. If your first initial is:
A-K:  You like to be first in line. 
L-R:  You continually rearrange your furniture in order to win the lottery.
S-Z:  You like long naps and short walks.

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will fall in love with
someone who has cold feet.
Apr-Jun: You will meet someone who likes to prepare income taxes.
Jul-Sep: The year is nearly over but it's not too late to meet someone.
Oct-Dec: Your charge card will always be maxed out.

4. If you choose:
Black: You will probably end up living in Manhattan.
White: You will never become a great writer.

5.This person should be your best friend or your worst enemy.

6. This is how many feng shui books you have in your library.

7. If you choose:

California: You are very smart and you like adventure.
Florida: You love alligators and bad weather.

8. If you choose:
            
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and you love trees.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and you like sand in your bikini.

9. You know this one already. If you send this horoscope to all of your friends
within the next hour, and rearrange your furniture one more time, your wish
may be granted.

PS: If you want to see the unedited version, which is very uninspired, 
go to the internet.

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Find it here!