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(all forwarded email, of course)

The following ad (for real) in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and  fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever. Men are so easy...

How to thoroughly clean a toilet:
1. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
2. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.
3. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.
4. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)
5. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.
6. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.
7. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.
Sincerely, The Dog

The Talking Dog (stop me, if you've heard this one...)

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

”Yep,” the mutt replies.

”So, what's your story?”

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young, and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

The lisp...

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"   

The shopkeeper gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks:  "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice:  "I don't fink my pyfon weally gives a thit."

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