Clever Magazine, April '06 "Bear Jokes " (www.clevermag.com)

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Bear Jokes

from the Clever Humor Archives

I wanna be a bear...

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...I wanna be a bear.

The Bear Alert: In light of the rising frequency of human-grizzly bear conflicts, the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions to be alert for bears while in the field: "We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear droppings and grizzly droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings are larger, have little bells in them, and smell like cayenne pepper."