Clever Magazine, Dec 06 " Like a Rolling Stone " (www.clevermag.com)

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Like a Rolling Stone:
Are you listening, Steve?

by Thomasina Canterbury

Thomasina lives in England although she was born in Scotland. She works in local government and has been writing for the past two years.

How does it feel to be on your own? Please don't take that the wrong way, Steve. Although I'm borrowing Dylan's words I haven't adopted his sneer. It doesn't match my lipstick. Anyway, this is not a challenge, I'm not looking for revenge. I'm simply asking, because you weren't on your own and now you are. That kind of change affects a person.

While we're on the subject of Dylan let me say I know what you're going through: I've slept out on Desolation Row myself, remember? Not that it makes any difference to you. You didn't care then, you won't now. I'm just saying, in the hope you've learned to listen. I told you a year ago, but you couldn't hear: beware doll, you're gonna fall.

So do yourself a favour now, Steve, and listen to someone who was pushed.

It's hardest when you get reminded of things. You're meandering along, managing as well as you can, and then bang! Something reminds you. Music is a big one: music marks a relationship, it's like a glue. I just have to hear the opening bars of Like a rolling stone and it's 2001, Brighton, bed and breakfast, starchy sheets and we're hiding because a guy you know from the PTA is downstairs in the breakfast room and we make the most of our enforced cover, His Bobness croaking in the background. Yes? Remember that, lover?

It will be different things that remind you of her, I expect. She never liked Dylan, did she? I can't guess what it will be, we never talked about her. The theme from Titanic maybe? Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves? You must have been romantics once. Or maybe it'll be Bob the Builder? Because that's going to hurt a lot, I think. Yes, I would imagine that must hurt a great deal.

And they say time's a healer, but actually clichés don't work. Time only means it's a whole year since I was a fool and you were a coward. Time reminds you when it used to be different but it only gets easier when it gets better. It's the 'getting better' that heals, but that doesn't come along in a convenient flow like time.

We haven't mentioned blame yet, but before long you're going to be looking for someone to blame. First it'll be your wife: she overreacted, she jumped to conclusions, she didn't listen to your side of the story. Then the kid, probably, because the spark went out of your relationship when he turned up. You even told me that once, and didn't realise why it offended me so much. And of course you'll get round to blaming me in time, even though you put me out of your life a year ago. Someone tipped off Helen, you'll think: it must have been me. Well it wasn't, Steve. As I said, I'm not looking for revenge. Even though you deserve it, I wouldn't wish this on you. The truth is, though you'll hate me even more for saying it, the truth is I pity you.

Actually, that's not the truth, but I daren't admit what is, not even to myself. Not after all this time.