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Closed Door

By Joyce Faulkner


            A white-faced woman burst through the automatic doors and staggered down the corridor. Pressing against the wall to allow her to pass, Millie couldn’t avoid seeing the small round hole in her chest.  

“HELP!”  Millie screamed. “This woman needs help.”

Nurses converged on the gunshot victim just as she fell forward through their hands, her face smacking the floor with a sickening crunch. It was then that Millie saw the massive wound on the woman’s back and smothered another horrified scream.

 “Let me do that.”  Millie took the brush out of Kate’s hand.  “Stop crying.  Your eyes will be all red and swollen.”

            “What am I going to do?  I can’t get married looking like this.”  Katie’s over-sprayed hair stood out from her head in stiff sprigs.   

            Millie struggled to run the brush through the top layer of the elaborate hairdo.  “You never go to a beauty shop except to get a trim.  Why did you go today of all days?”

            “You know why.”   Kate blew her nose.  “Do you think she did it on purpose?”

            “Everyone has a different idea of what’s pretty,” Millie said soothingly. 

“Do you think it’s a sign?”

“It’s just a little inconvenience.”   The brush snagged, pulling Kate’s head sideways.  “This isn’t going to work, sweetie.  You have plenty of time.  Why don’t you wash it again and I’ll blow dry it for you.”

A nurse in blue scrubs pushed open the door to the private examination room behind Millie. “Here, why don’t you sit down?  Your rape case won’t be back from x-ray for a few minutes.”

“I’m sorry I reacted that way.” Millie wiped her forehead on her sleeve. 

     “Give yourself credit for being human.”

     “How do you do it?” Millie couldn’t imagine spending all day everyday in a trauma room.

     “If I don’t, who will?”

     “That’s what I thought when I volunteered -- but it gets harder and harder to come in here. The horrible things people do to one another and to themselves!” Millie shuddered.

     “We all feel that way.” Ruby patted Millie’s hand.  “Just hang tough and do the best you can.”

Millie nodded. “My biggest fear is that one day I’m going to come in here and find someone I know.”

     “I knew I could count on you.”  Kate left the bathroom door ajar.  Taking off her robe, she tossed it over the sink and stepped into the shower.    

            Her body gleamed, Millie thought -- as though her essence lit her skin from within.  “Use lots of crème rinse to get those rats out.” 

            “Okay.”  Kate turned on the water. 

            Kate’s dress lay across the bed.  More costume than wedding gown, it was something out of a fairy tale.  How like her, Millie thought as she touched the pale blue silk bodice. 

Ruby tapped a clipboard lying on the counter.  “Are you ready?” 

“That’s why I’m here.”  Millie dug into her purse for a notebook and pen.

“Middle-aged woman. Homeless -– unless you call the bus stop shelter on East Ninth and Superior a home. Maybe a little crazy, but who knows for sure? You should see the God-awful outfit we took off her. Goes by the name of Chatty Catty.”

Millie’s smile twitched.

“I know, I know.” Ruby laughed. “She says a demon raped her, beat her and stole her blankets.”

“A demon?” 

“She says it about wrenched her arm off. We are checking to see if there are any breaks now.”

“It’s ten below zero. Can you imagine sleeping outside on a night like this?” Millie shivered at the thought.

“Sugar, I can’t imagine sleeping outside any night.”

“Rape kit?”

“Not yet. It’s Grand Central Station out there.” Ruby jerked a thumb toward the triage area. 

“Have the police talked to her?”

“The cops aren’t going to put themselves out for the likes of me.” The skinny woman sitting in the wheel chair at the door was filthy. Mud and blood and bits of paper stuck in her hair. A long red scrape covered her left elbow and stretched down her forearm. “If I was the major’s wife, they’d jump through hoops if I lost a dime, but a ratty blanket doesn’t matter to anyone but me.”

“The florist sent dark red roses instead of blood red ones.”   Kate sucked in her stomach and posed in front of the mirror -- naked except for her wedding veil.  “Do you think he was trying to sabotage my wedding?”  

Stress had boosted Kate’s paranoia to the next level.   Ben Striker was going to have his hands full tonight -- but then Ben didn’t know what he was getting.   He was Lottie Brown’s unwitting weapon against Millie -- devastating and innocent at the same time.   Millie loathed him.  “Your hair is soft as a butterfly’s wing.”  She unplugged the blow dryer and wrapped the cord around the barrel.   

“I’m a butterfly!”   Kate spun around, her arms wide and her eyes closed.

“Shush, sweetie.  Your mama’s gonna hear you and come up here and kick me out.”

“Madame Butterfly.  Butterfinger pie.  Peanut butter -- die, die, die.”  

Kate reminded Millie of a picture she once saw of Sally Rand fluttering around the stage behind a couple of big feathery fans -- ethereal but goofy.   “Did you take your pills?” 

Kate tripped and Millie caught her.  “Pills?  No pills today.  I’m going straight today.”  She giggled, putting her arms around Millie’s neck and kissing her lips -- soft at first, then deeper. 

“This is the last time, Papillion.”  Millie closed her eyes and accepted Kate’s tongue, pushing the veil away to keep from crushing it. 

“Mama will never know the difference.”   Kate murmured between kisses as she pushed Millie back onto the bed.

“I doubt Ben will want me around either.”

“Your lips remind me of red gum drops, Millie.  Did I ever tell you that?”

“Listen to me.”  Millie put both hands on Kate’s face.  “Once you get married, it won’t be like this ever again.”

“Maybe bubble-butt Ben won’t care when he sees how much I need you.”   Kate’s delicate fingers unbuttoned Millie’s blouse.   

“That’s not fair to him or me.”  Millie caught Kate’s hands.  “You are going to be too hyped up to deal with your wedding.  Won’t you please take your pill?”

“I’m not crazy.”  Kate rolled off Millie onto her back, the veil coming loose from her hair and falling on the floor.  

“They keep you calm, sweetie.”  Millie sat up, catching her breath.  “Will you do it for me?” 

“I hate how they make me feel.”

Millie went into the bathroom, returning with a glass of water and Kate’s pill.  “Let’s get you ready for the ceremony.”

“I’m from the Rape Crisis Center ,” Millie said.

“I know where you’re from.” Catty clutched the back of her hospital gown as Millie helped her onto the examination table. “They told me you were coming.”

“It might be awhile before the doctor can break free.  Try not to get too impatient.” Millie tucked a pillow under Catty’s head and covered her with a sheet.

“Are you kidding? It’s freezing out there. Tell the doc to take his time.” Catty pulled the sheet up under her chin and rolled over on her side.

“Aren’t you coming?”  Kate stood at the head of the staircase, the top button on the back of her dress undone.

“I’m persona non grata.   Why start another fight?” 

“They are making me do this, Millie.”

Millie fastened Kate’s dress.  “You do have some say.”

“Not when you are Lottie Brown’s daughter.”  

“What do you expect me to do?”   Millie’s composure finally broke.  “Steal you away?”

Kate started down the stairs.  “Take care of me -- just like always.”

“What would I be?”  Millie leaned over the banister.  “ Mrs. Danvers to your Rebecca?” 

“You read too much, Millie.”  Kate slammed the front door behind her.

“Go away.” 

“I’m supposed to stay with you until the doctor comes.”  Millie sat down. “I’m supposed to talk to you. Find out if you need anything.”

“I didn’t know it would be you.” Catty kept her eyes closed.

“I don’t expect you did.”

“I needed you.”

“I know.” Millie touched Catty’s shoulder.

Catty’s lower lip quivered. “I haven’t done so well.” 

“So I see.”

“They won’t let me take a shower or brush my teeth. I can’t even have a drink of water.” 

“I’ll get you something to drink as soon as the doctor says it’s okay.”

Catty opened her eyes. “I love the shower. Virgin’s bower. Mama’s power. Hubby’s dower.”

Millie chuckled. “I’ll make sure you get a shower too.”

“That’s why I come here, you know -- for the shower.”

Millie was surprised. “You’ve been here before?”

“Whenever it gets cold and I can’t find a place to stay.” Catty propped herself up on her elbows. “You won’t tell Nurse Ratchet will you?”  

“How did you hurt your arm?”

“The iceman cometh to Cleveland .” Catty giggled. 

“You fell on the ice?”

“The banshee wanted me to fall.” 

“You want to tell me what happened?”

“What the hell does it look like?” 

Millie sighed and tried again.  “Where’s Ben?”

“Old bubble-butt took off years ago.”

Big surprise. Ben didn’t strike Millie as a man who could deal with Kate’s problems. “And your mother?”

“I’d rather you ask about the rape.”    

“I thought you said there wasn’t one.” 

Another giggle. “Not tonight.” 

Kate was fragile even before her mother walked in on her making love to Millie. Once she became hysterical when she thought the thirteen-year-old paperboy was a pooka.  Believing that she was an old soul, she remembered being guillotined during the French Revolution and lynched in Alabama during the depression. It was part of her charm.

Millie hurried down the back stairs and across the Brown patio. Peering around the corner of the house, she watched as Lottie Brown spoke to the photographer. Kate and Ben allowed themselves to be arranged under the big oak tree in the front yard like stiff-limbed rubber gumbies.    Neither of them smiled -- nor did they look at each other.  The chauffeur opened the back door of the limousine.  Kate’s mother herded the glum couple into the backseat and crawled in after them.    

Millie sobbed as they drove away.  She wasn’t a fool -- she knew that the affair couldn’t go on forever, but she figured the love would.  Besides rescuing Kate from little catastrophes had occupied most of her teenage years.  What would she do now?  Letting go would be easier if it didn’t mean leaving Kate in the hands of her mother.

            Catty jerked and moaned in her sleep. Millie wondered how long she had been on the street.How many times had she been victimized?  Beaten?  Raped? She was lovely as a girl, but years of hard living had chipped her teeth and loosened her skin. She was almost unrecognizable now. Everyone had let her down. Even Millie. Especially Millie. Depressed, she tiptoed out the door.

Ruby sat at the central desk working on a chart.  “Catty’s going to be fine. No broken bones,” she said without looking up.

“How’s the other one -- the one with the gunshot in the chest?”

Ruby shrugged.

“Oh no!” Millie hugged herself. “Who was she, Ruby?”

“Maybe a prostitute. There was no I.D.”

“What happened to her?”

“Who knows? The vulnerable ones don’t last very long.”

Millie thought of Catty. “Maybe that’s a blessing.”

From her third story bedroom, Millie watched the Brown’s big Victorian house. Within twenty minutes, they returned from the church. The limousine driver let them out in the driveway. Ben helped Mrs. Brown and Kate out of the backseat. Heads lowered, they trooped up the sidewalk single file.   Two steps from the front porch, Kate paused and looked up. Millie waved. Kate glanced at her mother before smiling and wiggling her fingers. Ben squinted against the afternoon sun, scanning the windows until his eyes locked on Millie. 

Millie backed away from the window. The house next door was dark and sad. Weddings were supposed to be fun. There should be bridesmaids and ring bearers and a multi-tiered cake. People brought presents. Girlfriends caught bouquets. Bachelors got drunk and put garters on their heads.    Not Kate’s wedding.  Hers was nothing but grief and a blue silk dress.

Millie sank down in a chair beside Ruby’s desk. “How long before the doctor can do Catty’s rape kit?”

“Another half hour tops.”

“I’m going to find a place for her to stay.” 

Ruby took off her glasses. “It won’t be easy.”

“I don’t want her sleeping in the cold anymore.” Millie felt she had to explain.

“You better be careful. What if she’s a con artist?  What if she tries to rob you?”

Millie took a deep breath. “I know her -- or at least I did thirty years ago.”

“Oh?” Ruby’s eyebrows rose.

“Can you delay the doctor a little longer?”

“We’re going to need that exam room if we get another rape, but I’ll do the best I can.” Ruby squeezed her hand.

Millie opened the door to find Ben on her front porch.  “Can I help you?”

“You stay away from my wife.”  He snarled.

“It didn’t take Lottie long to tell you, did it?” 

“It wasn’t Mrs. Brown.  Kate told me.”

“I see.”

He pressed his forehead against the screen door, his great round cheeks flushed and sweaty.  “On my wedding night, I find out my wife is a pervert.”

“Do you love her?”

He slammed his fist against the doorjamb.  “You don’t have any right asking a question like that.”

Millie pushed the screen door into his face.  “Answer me.” 

He backed away, eyes wide as she advanced on him.  

“Answer me,” she insisted.

He slid down the steps, landing on his butt in the grass.  “Stay away from us or I’ll tell everyone in town that you are bull dyke.”   He got up, brushing off the seat of his trousers.  “I’m warning you.”

“Take care of her then.”  Millie screamed after him. 

“All the shelters are full.” Millie carried a large paper bag full of clothes and toiletries. “I couldn’t find a minister willing to let anyone sleep in his church either.”

“I could have told you that.” Ruby shook her head.  “They are afraid the homeless will stink up the vestibule.”

“I got hold of her mother. The old hag hung up on me.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Hotel.” Millie sighed. “I made reservations and paid for room service to bring her something to eat. That’ll do for a couple of days. Then I’ll figure out something else.”

  “There’s a special place in heaven for you, Millie.”  Ruby patted her back. 

 Millie slammed the door behind Ben.  He wasn’t the brightest man in town, letting Lottie Brown con him into marrying her emotionally fragile daughter without asking why. The Brown money made him eager, of course -- but then, no one told him it was about getting Kate away from an inappropriate lover until after the ceremony. 

Millie had no doubt that Ben Striker would spread nasty rumors about her -- rumors the lower class men in town would enjoy. Lottie would take care of the middle class. The bitch didn’t care if she hurt Millie’s parents. She didn’t care if she hurt Kate for that matter. The woman would do anything to pry the two girls apart. Not because she had a moral objection, but because Kate belonged to her -- body and soul. 

Millie couldn’t bear watching them destroy Kate. She packed a bag, left a note for her parents and tucked her savings account passbook into her purse. She was nineteen years old when she left home the day after Kate’s wedding and she thought her life was over.  

That was before Millie met her husband, before she had children.  She believed in second chances now -- and love that unlocked any door. Whistling, she headed back toward Catty’s room. “You can take your shower now.” She froze, her voice dropping to a whisper. “Use plenty of crème rinse to get the rats out of your hair.”

Catty was gone.

“Where is she?” Millie set the bag of goodies on Ruby’s desk. 

“Cleaning up?” Ruby sealed the rape kit and labeled it.

“She knew I was coming back with clothes -- that I had a place for her to go.” Millie scratched her head. “I can’t believe she’d just leave.”

“Maybe she went to pee and got lost.” Ruby locked the rape kit in a cabinet and put the key in her pocket.

“Ruby!” Millie’s voice echoed down the hallway. “She’s been in here.” She pointed to the supply closet.  “Everything’s a mess.”

Ruby consulted the inventory chart. “Looks like she grabbed a handful of things. Probably to sell.”

Millie’s heart pounded with inexplicable fear. “She came for a shower, Ruby.”

Ruby’s eyes changed. “Upstairs.”

The two of them ran up the steps rather than wait for the elevator.

A small circle of nurses and orderlies stood in the hallway. 

“What is it?” Millie tapped a young man on the shoulder.

“Some crazy old broad shot up air in the shower.” He shrugged.

     Millie pushed her way through the small crowd. Catty sprawled on her face, her scrawny butt showing through the back of her hospital gown -- a fat syringe near her right hand. 

     “Kate!” Millie rolled Catty over and put her arms around her. “Come on, sweetie. You can make it.”

     Ruby crouched beside them. “She’s gone.”

     “Why?”  Millie was dazed. “She knew I was going to take care of her.”

     Ruby pried Catty out of Millie’s arms and covered her body with a blanket. “This was Catty’s choice -- not yours.”

     Millie caressed Catty’s thin leg trying to remember Kate’s firm thighs. “I was going to fix things -- take care of her.”

     “Maybe Catty thought that door was closed a long time ago.”


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