Clever Magazine, "Fall, 05, TC's Memorial Pet Page " (www.clevermag.com)

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In memory of TC, our much loved production assistant

TC, our faithful production assistant. Gone but not forgotten!

We lost TC last month. She was about 12 years old and had been in ill-health for a few months with feline kidney problems. These things happen. TC had been our beloved PA since the very first issue of Clever Magazine back in 1998. She was always on hand, usually in the chair next to me, snoozing through the boring parts of the production process. Other times she would sit on the desk and gaze out the window. That's when she was at her best -- coming up with new ideas, visioning new strategies left and right, up and down, in the trees, on the street, watching the birds fly by, the dogs pooping on the grass right in front of her, other cats on the prowl. Seeing all that activity was tiring for a cat but she was always up to the job.

Editor's note: After a long and difficult search, the staff has decided to fill TC's vacancy from within the present staff, and so we are pleased to announce that Tooey, TC's assistant, has been promoted to the position of chief feline production assistant for the magazine. We know that's she a little young, but she has shown great aptitude and insight for internet publication. We'd like to show you her virtual resume, which speaks for itself.

TC and Tooey putting their heads together.

Two cats are better than one
when it comes to research.

A strong candidate

Two more candidates: skill set -- uber-grooming

And so, with a heavy heart we are dedicating this all-animal humor page to TC to honor her long years of dedicated service. As you will remember, the September issue has always been devoted to pets. This year is no exception. What follows is some of TC's best work...

TC always had a soft spot for doggie humor. She found these anonymous emailed pieces on her laptop shortly before she left us...
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your Troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

10 Dog Peeves About Humans
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!!!
2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG !
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyhow?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose.. stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8 Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello ? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth -- you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here. You don't see me picking up your poop, do you ?