Clever Magazine, Winter '08-09 "Day in the Life of Mr. Bunny " (www.clevermag.com)

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Bunny Business

by J. D. Riso

J. D. Riso is the author of Blue (Murphy's Law Press). Her short fiction and travel writing have appeared in Neonbeam, Atomjack, ken*again, Prick of the Spindle, and many other diverse publications. She leads a nomadic life and was last seen traveling through Eastern Europe with a Frenchman and the March Hare.

4:00 A.M. Perk up ears at sound of male human starting his day.

4:05 A.M. Gobble up morning treat of dried pasta. Crunchcrunchcrunch.

4:06 A.M. Get ear massage. Relax into the floor like a scoop of ice cream melting in the sun. Grind teeth in contentment.

4:10 A.M. Hop to favorite corner. Clean fur. Settle down for a nap.

9:23 A.M. Hop to female human who has a bouquet of fresh dill. Munch the dill like it’s a pile of logs going through a sawmill. Get another ear massage. Clean fur. Those humans are kind, but they sure do smell different!

9:35 A.M. Lie down under the feet of female human who is perched in front of a strange animal that makes a noise like a million mosquitoes.

9:36 A.M. Nudge foot of female human with nose.

9:37 A.M. Nudge foot of female human again. And again. And again. She has to be reminded who is boss around here.

9:38 A.M. Settle down for a fifteen-minute massage. Now that’s more like it.

9:55 A.M. Clean fur. Hope to favorite corner and flop down on side like a limp macaroni. Snooze.

1:30 P.M. Visit litter box. Munch hay. Drink water. Clean butt fur. Hope to favorite corner and curl up for another nap.

3:18 P.M. Perk up ears at sound of female human bringing veggies into the room. Lay ears back down. The other side of the room is just too far to hop to right now. Fall asleep.

5:30 P.M. Eat carrot. Clean carrot stains off of chins. Visit litter box. Intensive grooming session.

5:50 P.M. Work on ongoing masterpiece of cardboard architecture.

6:24 P.M. Hop to door. Peer over wooden barrier with big, sad eyes at humans. Wiggle nose and stand on hind feet. That always wins them over. Tell self to behave and not chew on furniture. Remember what happened last time. It’s been many sunsets since the last exploration.

6:32 P.M. Popcorn down the length of the hall. Tear around the living room. Skid across the hardwood floor. Get massage from male human. Get massage from female human. Clean fur.

7:07 P.M. Flop down in front of loud, brightly colored box that holds more squawking humans.

7:42 P.M. Do a lap around the room. Rub chin on corners of furniture, on foot of female human. Sniff shoes. Rub chin on shoes while looking sideways at humans. Maybe they won’t notice a little munching. Snap head up at barking noise from male human. Flop down under feet of female human.

9:30 P.M. Hop back to room. Hesitate halfway in the door, while female human makes cooing noises that mean playtime is over for the day. Jump in litter box. Munch hay. Clean fur. Hop to favorite corner and curl up for a long night’s sleep. Dream of warm burrows and endless fields of clover.