Clever Magazine, Spr '09 "Don't play ball in the house " (www.clevermag.com)

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Don't Play Ball in the House --
and other stuff your mom told you

by Lina Rehal

Our mothers told us things that have been forever etched in our minds. Remember hearing “Don’t play ball in the house?” That rule applied rain or shine. It meant no baseball, football, tennis, golf or any other kind of ball. However, ping-pong was permitted inside if you had a basement or rumpus room with the appropriate equipment set up.

“Because I said so.” That was her stock answer; the one she used when she had no other comeback to our nagging questions. It didn’t need clarifying. The statement was final. It was all the reason she needed. You knew the conversation was over when you heard that one. “Wait till your father comes home.” That classic reply meant you had gone too far. She could no longer deal with your behavior. You were in big trouble when she rolled that one out.

“Don’t put that in your mouth; you don’t know where it’s been.” Did that statement imply that if we knew where it had been, it would have been all right?

“What will the neighbors think?” For some reason, the opinions of their neighbors were important. Do you suppose the people next door worried about what we thought of them too?

How many times were you told “Always wear clean underwear in case you get in a car accident?” Then there’s the infamous question, “If your brother jumped off a bridge, would you?” These last two will go on for many generations to come.

“Don’t use that tone with me.” It was fine to use that particular tone with others, just not her. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Using the tone and then looking away infuriated them. It was bad enough that we dared to do one, but the two together suggested indifference.

Here’s a scary one. “There’s enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes.” Could that have been possible?

“If you break your leg, don’t come running to me.” That was always one of my personal favorites. It was right up there with, “Don’t cross your eyes, they’ll stay that way.” I wasn’t in the habit of crossing my eyes. The thought alone horrified me.

Do you ever wonder where such powerful phrases came from and why they repeated them so often? Did you use any of them with your own children? Do you notice that a lot of them start with the word don’t? The answer is simple. They got them from their mothers and believed every word. Our mothers had children to raise, houses to clean, meals to cook, laundry to wash and husbands who expected supper on the table when they got home. They didn’t have time for logical explanations, nonsense or time out.

We laugh at how ridiculous some of these things sounded. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” That made us think and often shut us up, even if only temporarily. Who knew what she had planned? I did not want to find out.

These words may sound silly to us now, but when you think about it, they made sense and so many of them are still true. Money doesn’t grow on trees. You really can poke someone’s eye out by waving a sharp object in the air. And, you can get hurt running with scissors.