Have you ever noticed that all weight loss
commercials only show skinny, beautiful women?????
Well, I'm a real 50-something woman with a "matronly" figure desperately
trying to find the magical combination of less inches and pounds, a
toner, tighter body, and, dare I say it? food that tastes good,
satisfies my hunger, and is easy on the wallet. I haven't found that
miracle combination yet, but it hasn't been for lack of trying. Here are
a just a few of my not so successful diet attempts:
Pritikin - Primarily vegetarian, cutting out fats,
meats, and dairy. If I never see another celery stick in my life, I'll
be grateful. Every time I took a bite of salad, I couldn't help but
think about the animal kingdom: do you realize that most of the
vegetarians are gigantic? (Ever noticed the size of a cow, moose,
buffalo, or an elephant?) Yet the meat eaters in the animal kingdom,
like lions and tigers, are strong, muscular, and full of stamina. Oh,
and let's not forget the beautiful, swift cheetah - another meat eater.
With its long, sleek body, it can reach speeds of up to 60 miles an
hour. It just isn't fair!
Weight Watchers - The slimmer, more beautiful me inside
refused to come out, no matter how hard I tried to coax her.
Martini Diet - (whatever fits i nto a martini glass).
It's amazing how much cheesecake one can cram into one of those things!
Slim-Fast - The commercials lie.
Curves - The one thing I felt good about is that I was
with other 40 and 50-somethings, and not competing with the
20-somethings.
Lean Cuisine & Healthy Choice - With only six tiny
pieces of meat per meal, I suppose it is possible to lose weight eating
these - if you don't starve to death first!
Jenny Craig - It worked beautifully for Valerie
Bertinelli; but for me, the only thing that lost weight was my wallet.
(Who is Jenny, anyway?)
LA Weight Loss - Uh-huh. Like everything else in Los
Angeles, it's either exaggerated, fake, or covered by the smog. (No
offense to anyone from there!)
Blink, Wink & Think Diet - Blink three times at the
temptation, wink once with each eye, and think, "Do I REALLY, REALLY
need this for my survival at this moment, or is it just a passing
fancy?" (Of course, at 3 o'clock during any given workday when both
stress and deadlines were at their highest, all bets were off and
chocolate WAS a necessity!)
Goji Berry - My vegan daughter suggested this one. The
berries are a little over one dollar an ounce, and the juice is about
the same price. It cleaned out my system, and pretty near my bank
account. But I lost two pounds.
Nutri System - About $300 for a mo nth's worth of
meals. I did lose three pounds in 30 days, but at $100 per pound, I've
given serious consideration to the belly band.
Now I'm on the Rubber Band Diet . . . whenever I see
something tempting, I pull back hard on the rubber band on my wrist and
let it go. SNAP! The pain reminds me that I'm paying for a gym contract,
and I want my waistline to go down as fast as my bank account. So far,
I've lost one inch - on my wrist!
