“Hi, my name is Victoria, and I’m a dirty old woman.” 

OK, there is no such 12 Step program, but if there was, there would be lots of voices responding, “Hi, Victoria.”

I know you’re out there. 

While watching my favorite program, “Once And Again,” I enjoy the progression of the relationship between divorced adults, Sela Ward and Billy Campbell’s characters.  However lately, the story lines of the kids on the show have piqued my interest and my libido.

A recent episode pitted Rick and his high school senior son, Eli (I love that name), against each other.  Eli had taken his SAT’s for the second time and was now kicking back and enjoying playing with his rock band.  They just landed their first gig at a coffee house when Rick and his ex-wife, Karen, attempted to put the kibosh on the one thing that gave the kid a little pleasure; his music. 

Well, almost the one thing.  Eli and his ex-girlfriend Jennifer reunited and had a sleep-over.  Daddy Rick did some scowling over that as well.  Give me a break.

Not only am I watching this, rooting (and lusting) for Eli, but I’m alone in my living room, yelling at the television, “Let him play with his band!”  “Go back with Jennifer!”

While I’m in the process of purging, I guess I should admit to my other addictions.  I have watched every episode of MTV’s “The Real World,” and “Road Rules.”  And if I miss one, I wait for the marathon weekends to catch up.

To my fellow forty-something friends, I am in a state of arrested adolescence.  My comeback to them is a very solid rationalization. 

“Oh, they remind me of my days in Greenwich Village, when I had all those roommates.  It brings back wonderful memories.”

Baloney!   I’m watching to see who’s going to talk behind the other’s back; who’s going to hook up; and who’s going to hit someone and get thrown off the show.

Maybe I’m like the countless other baby boomers who can’t grasp the fact that I’m part of the “older generation.”  And since I don’t have kids, there isn’t the physical embodiment of that fact to remind me.  I shop at The Gap and Banana Republic but have to admit to turning red when the salesgirl at Urban Outfitters stared me down as I rummaged through the tubes of Urban Decay makeup. 

“I’m picking up something for my daughter,” I lied.

She gave me the “Give me a break,” look and I slinked out of the store.

I recently read a quote by Shane West (I love that name), the young actor who plays “Eli.”  He revealed that despite not having many scenes with Sela Ward, he finds himself so attracted to her.

My heart soared with imaginary possibilities.

Yours did too.  Don’t lie.  I know you’re out there.

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