Clever Magazine, Vol IV, # 8 " Spring Fever " (www.clevermag.com)

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Maybe it's just Spring Fever:
stray thoughts from the Phantom

This is the time of year when I get a little antsy for springtime to finally roll around. Here in California we are blessed with such good weather that we have no real reason to try and hurry things along, but when the temperature starts climbing into the 70s again, spring can't be far off.

I wander into the nurseries to see what's available for the garden, hoping that it's time for spring annuals. Not yet, they tell me. Wait just a little while longer. In the meantime, the trees are in blossom, the daffodils are sprouting and the primroses are blooming their little heads off. So I'll just have to cool my heels a little and think about other things...

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

While drumming my fingers waiting for spring, I'm doing what everybody else is doing, watching the Olympics -- gosh, I'm glad they are finally over. Why do we get so obsessed with them?...this crazy mix of patriotism and medal counts. And I'm thinking that maybe it would be just as well if the Russians pulled out of the games. Who needs them with their corrupt judges and doped up athletes. Maybe if the Olympic Committee threatened to throw any country out of the games if even one of their athletes was doping. Wouldn't that stir things up...

Has anyone realized that by default we are now all assumed to be potential terrorists when we try to get on an airplane? And isn't that just ridiculous. It's not amusing to stand and watch somebody's 80-year-old grandmother being scanned and body-searched before boarding an airplane in the name of protecting us from terrorism.

Another irritating sign of spring is now being played out on all of our TV screens: those inevitable political attack ads. Can't something be done about that? And don't get me started on politics and campaign funding. Do they think we're idiots? I guess they do.

And what about driving these days? There are so many aggressive drivers on the road, even in the slow lane! And it seems like there are way too many SUVs on the road and in the parking lots. My little car is getting door dings in the strangest places. And I can't see over those behemoths, or around them or through them. Their bright lights blind me on the road at night. Driving is becoming weirder and weirder all the time.

There must be some good things to think about...

-Oh, yes, Survivor is coming back soon. I admit it, I just love that show.
-Next month we start work on the "All Humor" issue of Clever Magazine.
-It's time to start making summer vacation plans.
-And very soon, Spring will officially be here. I can't wait.

What's bugging you? The Phantom would love to know. Email